From: liz hastings <iced_cherries@_______.com>
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2020 at 08:01
Subject: Re: Cheating
To: Taf Kunorubwe <taf.kunorubwe@__________.com>

Taf I’ve tried hard to think of why I would do this. I know you want answers. I just can’t give them to you. I’m sorry. All I can think of is that there were a few things that upset me and I didn’t tell you and it made me venerable enough to do this awful thing. Something that genuinely started as a friendship turned into something it never should have.

You would always get cross with me and I’d have to make it up to you. Think hard. How many times was I actually cross/ upset with you? Very few. It’s because I’d trade it in because I love you and I wanted our future more than anything. I fobbed it off and ‘that’s just Taf’ and enjoyed the rest of our evening etc but really I should have addressed it with you. I wanted a family and our future and I knew you would be an amazing dad. I know you will be.

These are not excuses but now that I’ve reflected it’s how I feel. I had to drag you into this marriage. You knew I wanted it and although it wasn’t important to you didn’t see its value to me. The deadline arrived and went, it shouldn’t have. The proposal was just so unromantic. I knew when it was happening. I had to cancel being with a friend as you hadn’t thought it through and realised there was no time left, and then cancel the bank appointment and tutoring the next day. It just felt like I wanted a few small things and I didn’t get them. I’d waited 13 year for it. I know you were working hard but you’d had all year. My birthday came and went etc. it’s not the proposal itself, it’s the run up to it more that hurt me.

You did not cause this. This is on me. You could not have done anything different- I should have voiced what upset me.

I will try so hard not to hurt you anymore. If you don’t want me in your life, I understand.


From: liz hastings <iced_cherries@_______.com>
Date: Tue, 21 Apr 2020 at 21:56
Subject: Re: Cheating
To: Taf Kunorubwe <taf.kunorubwe@__________.com>


 

Ben and I ended up staying up last time we were down. We were talking and I was speaking so excitedly about our wedding and the things I was going through. He shared with me things that he was going through in his life which I knew were important to him. I really felt I could help him get through some of the things that were going on for him. We would message each other for support and friendship. In return I shared more things that were going on for me.

It is a huge betrayal. I was able to be with you and plan our perfect future as it didn’t seem real and just online. That is just not true. This has wide reaching implications. There is no justification for any of this. That is one of the worst point as you have done nothing wrong.

There was no real plan. I know this sounds insane but we would both say how much we loved what we had, our partners our lives and futures. I knew it would not last and I put it down to lockdown fever.

It makes me sick to think of you unhappy and that I have caused that. I was truly, genuinely looking forward to our future. Everything I said or felt for you in this last month was real. I know you cannot believe that. It would break me if you had been sick from Covid 19.

Why Ben? Because he was there. That’s it. Our paths crossed at a venerable time. That is not an excuse that is the best I can give to why.

I cannot reconcile doing this and then chatting to all our friends and family on zoom etc. I am just cold and broken.

I know what ever happens between us I am grateful for what we had. You are and were the love of my life and I know I can never get that again.

When I saw Ben we just acted a friends as if nothing had happened as it was two different worlds: email and my real life.

I value the time we have had together, you, the future we dreamed of literally every breath I’ve had with you. I realise those are empty words coming from me. I feel truly awful for what I have done to you, R (Bens Wife)and H (Son).

I don’t know how we can, if ever, move on from this. I know I’ve hurt you deeply and am not sure if I can ever make you happy again. I will be here in any way I can. I will give you some space and await your lead

you are always in my thoughts

xxx

 

  

 

From: Taf Kunorubwe <taf.kunorubwe@__________.com>
Sent: 20 April 2020 04:31
To: liz <iced_cherries@_______.com>
Subject: Cheating

 

Hi,

I just don’t get it and just… what the f#@k. You are minimising what you did and the impact this would have. And you may think it wasn’t real or harmless but that is a lie. The graphic emails, messages, the phone sex, the explicit photos over weeks. Is not harmless, ok or not real

An affair or infidelity is a violation of a couple's assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity. This means anything from sexual activity, to kissing, all the way to online relationships. That is why it doesn’t make it ok that you claim nothing physical happened.  You still did it, you chose to do it for an extended period, you constantly lied to me, disregarded any thought or care for me, couldn’t care about the emotional/mental/practical impact on me, you violated my trust, risked our current situation, you have shattered the future we had planned, you have shit on the effort I put in for the last 13 years, disregarded any thought about R (Bens Wife) / H (their son)/ our friendship and effectively done some that is humiliating.

You suggested writing a letter, all I have still is questions. As I have asked all my questions so many times but you cant give me answers. Hopefully you can at least do that for me?

 

  • Come clean about all of it, be honest about how, what and why. No half-truths of having to catch you out to get the truth. That is the least you owe me. Also be honest with everyone else.  

  • As I said to you, you had always spouted shit about this being the one thing that cant be forgiven. How could you hold this core value and do what you do?  

  • Did you ever consider the impacts this would have?

  • What was you plan, before you were caught out? Would you have ever come clean if I hadn’t found out?

  • How did you justifying doing this all the while R (Bens Wife) was busy with work or H (their son) and I was working for our future?

  • When thousands and thousands of people are dying and people are loosing people they truly love. A few weeks ago you were upset and scared you were that Jerry had it & died and were so upset about me getting it and i reassured you for days. How did you loose sight of what is important?   

  • Checking the dates of the message you sent to R (Bens Wife), and your claim how long this has been going on. It is clear that you were making plans to go to Birmingham while having this affair. This means you had intentions to move this further and were actively making plans and coming up with lies to justify it. How can you explain that

  • What did out our relationship mean to you before your affair started, during and after your affair?

  • How could you do come back to me and be physically/ emotionally intimate? Or talk about the future we were planning. Talk about our future home. Talk about trying for children? Talk about moving to a bigger place? What were you thoughts at the time of such a deception.

  • Out of all people, why ben? After the nearly 20 years I have know Ben and the 13 you have known R (Bens Wife). Did either of you ever consider what this would mean for friendships.

  • How could you reconcile while having an affair and then arrange to have a chat with R (Bens Wife), Jason & Kate, Louise & Ricky, Ness, All your Friends, My Family & even Your Family.

  • What did this affair mean for you?

  • What were you able to express or experience you could no longer do with me?

  • What was it like for you when you then came to spend time together?

  • What is it about us that you value?

  • How do you feel that the affair is maybe over?  

  • How do you feel that our relationship is maybe over?  

  • What is your plan going forward?

  • How do you see the future working or what can you to to help us to try to recover from what you have done?

 

i an angry & hurt & massively disappointed. I am questioning everything about our relationship and the trust is gone like I said. I can't believe you would do this to me and to R (Bens Wife)& H (Son). Its a shitty hurtful & awful thing to do to your partner of 13 years and a close friend of over a decade. 

I cant logically work out how you could do this to me (or her) if you actually cared or gave a shit. You have lost one of your longest friends and relationship/future. 

Right now i needs some space.

#YearsInTheMaking...MomentsToThrowAway

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