From: Ben Moy <benmoy@_______.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 20 Apr 2020 at 22:54
Subject: Re: Ben
To: Taf Kunorubwe <taf.kunorubwe@_________.com>
I’ve written this message out ten different ways, but none of them come close to getting across the sorrow and heartbreak that I feel, and none have come close to providing a good enough explanation of why this has happened that will make you feel any different in any way- I know that I have broken everything, and am truly sorry for what I have done to you and R (Bens Wife).
When you asked me to be your best man, I was and still am truly honoured that you chose me. That’s what makes my actions so disgusting- you should not betray the ones you love, and that is exactly what I have done.
When we went out to the pub a month ago to start the planning on the stag do, I was incredibly excited about everything that was going on. That evening I stayed up late, as I often do, chatting with Liz- we’ve done that since I’ve known her- and its always been totally innocent, like it was that night. But some of the conversations we had were around my feelings about being a dad, the difference having a child has made to our lifestyles and the effect its had on my relationship with R (Bens Wife). That was it- Liz was there for me to talk to- so we spoke, then kept on speaking over the next few weeks. What was innocent, and helpful chat later became more personal and intimate, and lines were crossed that never should have been over the next three weeks. In those moments I never considered the impact that these actions would have, which is naïve and horrible, and justified it as a release of emotion, rather than as infidelity which you’re right that it is. I also looked you in the eye as a friend and talked throughout this period on our organised chats- which is a shitty, cold and nasty action. I didn’t reconcile it because I didn’t think about it- and that is the horrible truth. I truly do believe, in answer to your question about where it would have led, that at whatever point lockdown was lifted the realisation of what we had been doing would have led us to stop. That is it- there is no deeper set of circumstances or pre-planned elements- it was a moment that started and has ended as quickly as one-another. Since then we have spoken twice- once when you first found out, and again to say we would not be speaking again.
My biggest issue with writing all of the above is that is doesn’t give you a single moment, or answer, to the question of why it all happened. If I had one, I would give one.
This period of time has made me question what is most important in my life- my family and friends- and never finding myself in a situation where I let either of them down again in such a horrible way, if I can win any of their trust back in the first place, which seems unlikely. I don’t think, as you say, that I can look you in the eye again knowing what my actions have cost you, and am devastated that my actions have cost me our friendship- I truly would do anything to try to heal what I have broken, but know that this isn’t going to be possible.
What the f#@k. I just don’t get it and how can you be such a complete and utter c#@t. After so many years how you could be such a piece of worthless human garbage to do something like this to R (Bens Wife), H (Son) & Me.
You might have pushed it from your memory but when I asked you to be my best man, I told that I could not imagine having anyone else and I wouldn’t want anyone else to have my back on such a big day, that I know you would always have my back. You were so chuffed, how could you be so chuffed, react as you did. Then a few months later go on to betray me. Were we ever truly friends?
I am so angry, hurt, disgusted but mostly disappointed. I am sure in both of you are minimising what you did and the impact this would have. You might not think what you did is infidelity but it is. And you might be trying to convince yourselves that it wasn’t real or harmless but that is a lie.
When you called me after getting caught you said you would give me some answers, and too right you owe me the truth. But at the moment I can't even stand to look at your face or even hear your f#@king voice to an doing it by email.
What the f#@k happened? Come clean about all of it, be honest about how, what and why. No half-truths or stuff come out later on. The truth is the least you owe me.
When this was happening did you ever consider the impacts this would have?
What was your plan, before you were caught out? How far would you have let it go? Would you have ever come clean if I hadn’t found out?
How did you justifying it to yourself, all the while R (Bens Wife) was busy with work/ H (son) and I was working for our future?
How could you reconcile while having an affair and then messaging me, arranging chats with all 4 of us and even a boys chat? What the f#@k was going through your mind as you looked me in the eye and pretended to be a mate. How could you even face yourself let alone me or anyone?
What did this affair mean for you?
How do you feel that you have been caught out?
How do you feel that our friendship is maybe over?
You said you would give answers, well now it's your opportunity to do that and to shows your not a complete lying piece of garbage.